I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
