get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
