do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
