Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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