hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
