3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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