I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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