Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
