Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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