dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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