hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
