Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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