Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
