it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
