I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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