I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
