Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
