You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
