When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
