I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My cat gives me a boner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
