Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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