Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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