summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
