sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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