I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
