I want to make a zoo with you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
