She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
