On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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