You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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