In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
