Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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