Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
