Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
