One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I skipped work to stalk him.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
