Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
