Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
