I hate all girls vehemently.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
