Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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