please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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