remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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