Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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