If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
