NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
