I want to walk on stilts...naked
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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