I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
