this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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