I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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