he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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