it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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