sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
